Are you so honest that you are hurtful on singlesdatingcompany.com?

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Are you so honest that you are hurtful on singlesdatingcompany.com?

Are you so honest that you hurt people’s feelings, and do you get upset if the same honesty is applied to you when you are dating on Singlesdatingcompany.com.

Being so honest that you are hurtful is offensive and not very likeable? Is that `Too Honest?’

Is that one of those occasions when your date is so honest that you are left feeling wounded and reluctant to meet up again. I think we have all come across one of those people who are just so honest that they are rude.

I hope I am not needlessly offensive. I hate hurting people’s feelings. I also feel that I am empathetic and considerate and always try to be positive and try to think about being kind before I speak out, but I am not always afforded the same consideration and kindness. Does that make me kind or just overly sensitive?

How do other daters on singlesdatingcompany see me?

I try to handle tricky situations gracefully without being a doormat or feeling that I am being bullied. Sometimes it is better to avoid making a comment than speaking out and being `too honest’ and forthright.  After all it is worth remembering that you also have flaws and being ultra critical could open yourself up for having some of those pointed out in an unflattering manner. I have seen dating profiles that state that the dater is very honest and that they say what they feel. Is that a good quality when you could be unkind? To me that means that you are just tactless and don’t care that you could hurt other people’s feelings. We don’t all want our faults and insecurities pointed out.

“I’m just a straight-forward person,”  “I think you’d appreciate my honesty.” Yes, but only if it could lead to an enriching character-building result rather than leaving the person feeling stripped of dignity and self-confidence. If you have been `honest’ and have left the recipient feeling bruised and battered, then you are basically a dating jerk.

In my experience, there are places and ways to express an opinion with honesty. I would never attack the personality or appearance or integrity of someone I barely knew and try to pass those judgements off as a refreshing dose of “straight talking honesty’

There is a difference in being straightforward and being a dating jerk. Stopping yourself from saying out loud some cruel thing that pops into your head is not a lie. It is a necessary kindness if you are to function in society, whether you are on a dating site or not.

I’ve heard nasty people use the honesty excuse my whole life, as though basic human decency is deceptive untruths and they want no part in it. In their minds, being “honest” or “direct” with someone gives them license to offer unsolicited critiques of their failings as a person. If you can’t take it, their attitude implies, you must either be a liar yourself or be unwilling to face your flaws.

When has, “I’ll be honest” ever preceded a statement which is nice or flattering? Someone saying that they are being “honest” implies there is some sort of inherent truth in what they’re telling you, when really all they are doing is expressing their opinion.

Is expressing an opinion and being honest the same thing? I’m not so sure. With the advent of online dating, social media and `faux news’ perhaps we need to temper our `just being honest’ with a little `just being kind’

 

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